Now or Never
by battousai24
Summary: [ELSANNA; UNRELATED/NON-ICEST; DL;DR] Elsa watches Anna playing in the snow with their neighbors' children from her window. She longs to join them and maybe finally give that goofy-looking snowman his nose.
1. Now or Never

**Now or Never**  
_by battousai24 (aka C. S. Raine)_

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**Chapter 1: Now or Never**

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Elsa sighed as she looked out the window, seeing her next-door neighbor, Anna, playing with the kids from the other room down the hall. She watched as the strawberry-blonde help a little blonde girl build a snowman. They were almost finished. Frosty was only missing his two arms and a nose. It was soon fixed when a slightly older blond boy came up to them with a couple of branches. She couldn't help but smile herself when Anna smiled sweetly at him and ruffled up his hair. Unfortunately, the snowman was still missing a nose. They must not have found anything for it because the little girl pouted, while the boy went to hug his sister, probably trying to soothe her. The older girl, too, had knelt down and hugged the two children and gave them a reassuring smile. She must have promised them she'd do something about it.

Elsa turned away from a moment and scanned her room. On her kitchen table was a bag of carrots. She looked back out the window, as if considering her options. She often found herself wanting to join them. They seemed to be having a lot of fun. Those three had been out there playing in the snow since it started. She bit her lip. She really wanted to offer one of her carrots to complete the snowman, but she was unable to. She rarely left her room, and when she did, it was only for necessary trips to the grocery or other supplies, or when she had to go to her graduate school to submit requirements. Otherwise, she stayed in her room, drawing and painting whatever came to mind. She wasn't very comfortable interacting with other people. She was terrible at making casual conversation and physical contact terrified her.

She wasn't really anti-social. She'd talk to other people when she had to. She had small talk with Anna a few times, but she never initiated it. She was always nervous about meeting people, especially those loud and talkative types, like Anna, but for some reason, she wasn't as nervous with the girl as she was with most. Her acquaintances at school often just avoided her because she rarely talked to them, and when she did, she'd give as short replies as she could. Her professors did the same, but they could really care less about her reclusive personality as she was an excellent artist. She produced magnificent art for her classes and they'd leave her alone. She was happy with that arrangement. They had no complaints.

But with Anna, it was different. While she was still hesitant in engaging in conversation, Elsa found herself feeling somehow elated after speaking with her. They weren't friends. Elsa didn't really have any, but if she'd consider anyone, she'd definitely choose Anna.

Speaking of the other girl, she was now having a snowball fight with the children. They were all laughing together and Elsa couldn't help but feel a little jealous at the interaction. She truly wished she could join them, but she couldn't. Her fears were stopping her, like always.

Elsa was afraid to get close to anyone, for fear of getting hurt, and fear of hurting other people. When she was younger, she was close to her parents and her little sister. They were a very close family. She loved them very much. However, one day, they got into a car accident while on their way to her art class. She was only eight-years-old then, but her work was already being displayed in the art school's gallery. She had already been at the school so she wasn't with them when it happened. She blamed herself for her parents' and sister's deaths. She was devastated when she lost them and vowed she'd never get too close to anyone else. Her aunt and uncle took her in, and she was thankful for that, but she did not let them in her heart. She was too scared of the pain if she had to lose anyone important to her again.

Again, she sighed. Oftentimes, she thought that _maybe_ she could try to let someone in again, perhaps someone like _Anna_. The younger girl was friendly and she had this wonderful glow to her. Everyone loved the freckled girl. She was sweet and thoughtful. She would often volunteer to watch over those kids when their parents were off at work, and Kristoff and his wife, Alice, were ever thankful. Even the somewhat snobbish man from the floor down, Hans, couldn't ignore Anna's morning greetings. And the couple upstairs, Eugene and Rapunzel, were here very good friends. Elsa often found them together on Friday nights or at some ungodly hour on Saturdays, coming home from a bar, swaying from a little bit of drunkenness. They would invite Elsa to join them, too, sometimes, but she never accepted their invitations.

Anna reminded Elsa a lot of her younger sister. They had the same bubbly personality. They were both a little hyperactive, but never annoyingly so. It was actually quite endearing, when she thought about it. The similar way the girls would both brush back a few strands of hair behind their ears when they felt nervous, and the way they would both gush out sentence after sentence when they got to talking about anything they were really interested in. That's pretty much why Elsa considered opening her door to Anna. She thought they might get along well. Perhaps they would be good friends. A few times, Elsa found herself blushing when she'd think about getting closer to the girl, but she never really understood why.

However, it was also because Anna was so much like her dead sibling that she was reluctant to start a friendship with her. She was afraid. She was always afraid. Sometimes, just when she's about to open her door to join Anna and the children outside, or join Friday night bar-hopping with Eugene and Rapunzel, she'd remember her family, and she'll remember the pain of their loss and the loneliness she felt when they were gone. She'd rethink her decisions and would remain in her room.

Anna had asked her once if she was lonely being all alone cooped up in her room. Elsa lied, shaking her head no. She couldn't tell Anna the truth. Judging from the girl's personality, she would be determined to get Elsa to come out of her shell if she had admitted she was lonely. Of course she was lonely. She had no one. But even when it was often hard to stay away from people, and longed for warm hugs and lengthy conversation, she couldn't bring herself to do so. Even though she was alone, even though she was lonely, at least she was safe. She felt secure, and that was what was important. At least, that's what she kept telling herself.

Elsa needed to feel safe. If she opened up to Anna, she'd feel vulnerable. She'd not only open up her heart to the warmth of companionship, but she'd also allow Anna to hurt her, and she wasn't sure she could take it. She wasn't sure she was ready for it. She couldn't give someone, anyone, so much power over her.

So while she sat by her window, watching Anna and those children enjoying themselves in the snow, and wanting to build snowmen and have snowball fights, and laugh along with them, she wouldn't leave her room. Not even to give that goofy-looking snowman his much-needed nose. She took a deep breath, blinking for what seemed like ages, and stood up. Maybe she _could_ go down there. Maybe she _could_ offer one of those carrots on her table to complete Frosty. Maybe she _could _be friends with Anna.

She walked over to the bag of carrots, picking the best looking one from the bunch. She went back to the window to check if those three were still down there. _Deep breaths. _She could do this. It was now or never.

It was then that Anna looked up, finally noticing someone watching them. She looked right at Elsa, smiled and waved. She was saying something, but Elsa couldn't hear her. She could see her mouth forming soundless words that she read as something like "_come on down."_ Anna was gesturing towards the kids and then the snowman. She was saying something again, something like "_Do you want to build a snowman?_"

Elsa felt her heart skip a beat. Anna wanted her to join them. This was it. She even already had the perfect carrot for the snowman's nose. It was going to be the perfect nose for their snowman, her first snowman in so, so many years. She left the window and went for her door, carrot in hand. She reached for the doorknob, turning it ever so slightly.

But there it was again. Those memories, they're flooding in, her nightmares of during the day. She was finding it hard to breathe. Her heart was beating louder, faster. It was now or never. _Now or never_, she thought to herself.

She sighed, letting go of the doorknob. She placed the carrot back on the table and walked quietly into her room, not bothering to look back out the window. _Maybe_ she'd join them some other time. Perhaps, she'd let Anna into her life someday. _Maybe_, she'd allow the girl to have the power to _hurt_ her, to _break her heart_, to _destroy_ her... but that day was not today.

_It's now or never_. Her own voice rang in her head. She closed her eyes in frustration, and tears rolled down her cheeks. She wasn't even aware of them welling up in her eyes until they fell. She lifted a hand to brush them away.

_Anna_. She thought of the girl's friendly smile, and how her eyes sparkled whenever they held each other's gaze, even if it's only for a split-second. She thought of those lovely freckles, and her endearing rambling. She thought of her nervous tick, that adorable brushing of her hair behind her ear. She didn't even think of her sister this time. She thought of Anna and tried to smile as she remembered how the girl had mouthed yet another invitation she declined. She frowned, unable to complete her smile.

'_It's now or never_.'

She let it go, let the tears flow as she softly sobbed to herself, as if finally realizing why she was crying in the first place.

_Never._


	2. Never Say Never

**Now or Never**

_by C. S. Raine (aka battousai24, tehcheshirecat)_

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**Chapter 2: Never Say Never**

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_Knock. Knock. Knock-knock. Knock._

Elsa gasped, surprised at the sudden noise echoing through her room. She wiped away the tears from her eyes and got up, carrot still in hand. She wondered who could be at her door. She never had visitors, and she was not even expecting any deliveries today, but the peculiar way the other person knocked piqued her interest, despite making her feel a little nervous.

She was never really comfortable with people and she tried to stay away from them. Eventually, they too got the message and stopped trying to approach her. She felt anxious around others. She barely spoke more than a few words at a time, only saying what was needed, and she rarely ever engaged in conversation, let alone start one. And so she sighed, unsure about how to go about the situation.

She even thought about not answering the door at all. She figured if they kept knocking and nobody answered the door, then they'd probably go away. She walked towards the door quietly, however, as curiosity seemed to be getting the best of her.

_Knock. Knock. Knock-knock. Knock._

There it was again, that strange knocking, but in a way, it sounded rather… _catchy_. Elsa almost _almost_ grabbed the doorknob and opened the door.

_Knock. Knock. Knock-knock. Knock._

And there it was again. This time, she almost called out and asked who it was, but it didn't really take long for her to find out. In fact, she didn't even have to ask.

"Elsa?" It was Anna. Elsa's back straightened and she swallowed the lump in her throat. Of course it was Anna. Anna had invited her outside earlier, and Elsa almost gave in, but she chickened out like always. Of course Anna would wonder what happened. She always did. While the other girl was used to Elsa declining her offers, she would still always try her best to get Elsa to join her. Today wasn't any different.

"Elsa, I know you're in there. I saw you from your window. Come on down. The snow is wonderful!" Elsa smiled at that. Anna seemed really excited and seemed like she genuinely wanted Elsa to share it with her. She could imagine Anna's wide smile and hopeful eyes on the other side of the door, and she felt her cheeks warm up at how adorable the younger girl must look. This was the reason why, though with a shaky voice, Elsa finally answered.

"A-Anna, I… I can't. I have lots to d-do, s-sorry," she said, stuttering, and mentally scolding herself for not even being able to interact normally with people.

"Oh, well… How about you just come out for a few minutes, then? I'm sure the fresh air would be good for you, and a little sun would do great for your pale skin!" she heard Anna reply, but before Elsa could say anything back, the other girl continued, a bit nervously, "I mean, not that your skin is awful. It's actually really great! You're great! Like, your skin is really beautiful and it makes you beautiful-er. I mean, not fuller, but like, you're beautiful – wait, what?"

She heard Anna sigh and try to catch her breath. Again, she could imagine the other girl nervously, but adorably, tucking a stray strand of strawberry-blonde hair behind her ear. Anna always did that, especially when she felt embarrassed about saying too much. And again, Elsa smiled. It was endearing. She loved it too when her little sister used to do that. Anna reminded her so much of her, so much so that it felt a little bittersweet.

"What I mean is, Elsa, it would be really awesome if you could join me outside. I'd really love it if you would." There were a few minutes of silence then. Elsa was nervous. She knew it was just a little matter. It really wouldn't hurt to go outside for a while, and she did love winter, but even that little matter made Elsa feel overwhelmed. It really wasn't a 'little matter' to her.

_Now or never._

Once again, it echoed in her head, like some kind of mantra. She had chosen 'never,' she recalled, but it seemed like she had another chance.

Elsa's eyes drifted to the object in her hand. She was still holding the carrot; the one she thought was perfect for Frosty's nose. _Frosty_. Elsa quietly laughed to herself. She had already named the snowman, even when she wasn't building it with them.

Elsa tried to relax. She tried her best to regulate her breathing, hoping it would calm her racing heart. With her free hand, she reached for the doorknob once more, and felt her heart pounding in her chest as her fingers enveloped the cold brass. She wasn't even sure Anna was still out there. What if she opened the door and Anna had already left? She would feel really awkward – almost stupid, even. Her eyes were glued to the doorknob. _Am I really going to do this?_

_Now or never._

And with those words once more echoing in her head she turned the doorknob and yanked the door open, almost violently, and was surprised when it didn't open all the way. She looked up and saw the chain bolt still attached to the door, staring at it with all seriousness as her brain still tried to comprehend what was happening. And when she heard a soft giggle, she snapped out of her trance.

There was Anna, widely grinning at her, as though Christmas had come early and Santa had given her the most wonderful present. Elsa felt the blood rush to her cheeks. She must have looked like a fool, and in front of Anna, too. She just felt like hiding away now. She felt so embarrassed, but as she was about to close the door, Anna held it open, stopping her.

"Hey, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to laugh, or embarrass you. I feel like such a jerk now. I just – you looked really cute and confused and – wait, what?" She heard Anna clear her throat, but she wasn't looking at the other girl. Hearing the strawberry-blonde calling her 'cute' was enough to make her face feel hotter.

"I just really want you to come out for a while. You know, hang out with me a bit, I guess? I'm not really forcing you, and I understand if after my really douche move you've changed your mind. I'm really sorry." When Elsa gathered enough courage to look back up at Anna, she saw the most sincere and apologetic expression on her face, and it almost broke her heart when she saw the disappointment in the other girl's face when, wordlessly, she closed the door again.

Anna didn't stop her again, not wanting to force Elsa into anything. Elsa appreciated that about the girl, and smiled to herself before undoing the chain bolt and reopening the door. Perhaps this wasn't going to be as bad as she thought. And the look on Anna's face as she turned around after hearing the door opening up was priceless, and Elsa thought that maybe, _just maybe_, this was going to be worth it.

Elsa could see Anna's excitement and realized that this was the first time she ever accepted Anna's invitation. The smile on the younger girl's face was enough to put a wide smile on Elsa's. She knew it was probably taking all of Anna's self-control to not hug her right now. The girl was, after all, very affectionate. While they knew close to nothing about each other, Anna knew that Elsa felt very uncomfortable around people, and most especially with physical contact. And so, again, Elsa appreciated how Anna respected that.

Anna was a wonderful person. She never pushed too much, and she always gave Elsa her space. She never forced her way, and that made Elsa feel a little less nervous about her decision. It was scary, and she was not going to deny that, but Elsa felt like it wasn't going to be so bad. At least, with Anna, it was going to be okay. She didn't know why she felt that way, but she did.

"So I see you brought something to help us finish Olaf," said Anna, breaking the silence, as she pointed out the carrot Elsa was holding. Elsa was a bit confused.

"Olaf?" she asked.

"The snowman, silly!" said Anna, another adorable giggle escaping her lips. _Oh, Frosty._ Elsa felt silly indeed. Here she was, an award-winning art student, and yet her most creative name for the snowman was 'Frosty.' She couldn't help but laugh quietly as well.

"Oh, Olaf. Yeah, I thought he could use a nose," Elsa replied. Anna grinned again, as excitement filled her features.

"Yeah, and he likes warm hugs!" Anna exclaimed. She giggled again, and Elsa could swear that hearing that sound coming from the other girl made coming out of her room already worth it.

"So… do you want to finish that snowman?" Anna was grinning again, and Elsa could tell that Anna would have probably wanted to extend her hand out and run hand in hand downstairs, but she knew better. And while Elsa was sure she would not have actually taken it, someday she might actually will. And she smiled at that.

After closing the door behind her and locking up, they quietly made their way downstairs. Anna didn't want to push it by making conversation the whole way down, and so she must have been surprised when it was Elsa who spoke.

"You know, I had already chosen 'never," she said. Anna turned to her, unsure what the other girl meant. Elsa gave a small smile and began to explain.

"When you asked me to come down earlier, from outside my window, I thought, 'it was now or never,'" Elsa began. She took a deep breath, feeling overwhelmed about actually starting a conversation, and then continued.

"Like, I wasn't ever going to accept your invitations, because I said 'no' again, and that meant I was never going to be able to." Elsa's lips formed a sad smile, and wondered what Anna was going to say. On the other hand, Anna was surprised at how much Elsa had said. In fact, Elsa had probably not spoken that many words to her before. And Anna felt touched as she realized the meaning in them. She smiled to herself as she felt a little blush creeping up to her freckled cheeks.

"Well, even if you didn't say 'yes' this time, don't think that you never will, Elsa," she said, waiting for the taller girl to turn towards her before continuing.

"Never say never," said Anna, smiling gently at Elsa. Elsa smiled back, although a little bit teary-eyed. _Never say never._ That was actually a wonderful thought. And with that cleared up, they continued down the stairs in comfortable silence. However, in Elsa's mind, three words echoed. And it was wonderful indeed, especially because instead of the cold inhuman voices that she was so used to hearing in her head, she heard Anna's warm and sweet voice speaking what could now be her new mantra.

_Never say never._

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**_A/N:_**_ Okaaaaaaay, so I really wasn't going to write a second chapter for this, since I meant for the angst of the first chapter to stay that way. I was also (I think) feeling bad that time, so I meant for it to break hearts and what-not. Buuuuuuut... I was just re-reading my latest drabble, First Kiss, and that got me reading the other one-shots and then the plot bunnies just kind of _hopped like crazy_. Who was I to deny them, right? So for those who wanted a happier ending, I hope you enjoyed this. For those who wanted to keep it angsty, forget this second chapter exists. :P_


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